*I have started compiling the story of my illness and it’s role in my returning to faith. This is page 1. It was a sticky night in late August, 2009. The streets of the Upper East Side of Manhattan were quiet, but I was not. Terrified and confused, I was crying for no reason, and…
Tag: mental illness
Psychiatric Sanctification
Have you ever been blindsided by self-revelation – good self-revelation? I was just standing on the threshold of the Courtyard Hotel with friends, watching the sunset gild the Indianapolis Convention Center when I had a jaw-dropping moment. I’ll back up. I’m in Indy for The Gospel Coalition’s 2025 Conference with four friends (Yes, I’ve been…
Tossing the Milestones
There are many pain surgery centers in my area and, unfortunately, I’ve visited a few. In the last five years or so, I’ve been going to just one, and all the steroid injections and ablations have made me a familiar face to the nurses. (I always fill out my “patient survey” forms when I get…
Words and Weakness
“And I write,” I added to the nurse on the phone. So began a surprisingly rapid cascade of phone calls, tests, and appointments. I’ll back up a bit. A few days ago, I told my mom about a problem that’s been frustrating me for quite a while. I spend most of my days either reading…
Under Threat of Darkness
I feel like a shell – hollow, like an Easter egg. Such utter emptiness is welcome, because otherwise what fills me is pain, torment, and anger. Sometimes, when the depression invades, hollowness is a gift. I have always written from my heart and my heart is crying out right now. Tonight, though, truth and light…
Why I Fear the End of the Pandemic
For much of the decade leading up to 2020, my daily uniform involved some combination of sweats and pajamas. In the last year, though, sheltering in place transformed this from something to conceal into endless memes and jokes. Let me back up. In October 2009, I left a medical residency at Mt. Sinai Hospital in…
Before the Fire 