*I have started compiling the story of my illness and it’s role in my returning to faith. This is page 1. It was a sticky night in late August, 2009. The streets of the Upper East Side of Manhattan were quiet, but I was not. Terrified and confused, I was crying for no reason, and…
Tag: fear
Rejoice
Do you trust me? Do not neglect the gift you have For I have gone before you Fear not I AM a collection of words from today
Circuit Breaker
Growing up, my brother used to call me Circuit Breaker. Since childhood, I’ve done everything either all-in or not at all – and this was before the bipolar disorder showed up. While this lack of moderation contributed to academic success and athletic medals, it also led to quite a bit of trouble. Yes, I have…
Mercy
Yesterday, an 18-year-old man, barely out of childhood, walked into an elementary school and murdered 19 children and two teachers. Children. I don’t know why he did it and I’m not going to wade into the gun rights debate. As an American, I’m past the point of asking why and wailing, How could this happen?…
This Is the Day
The sun shone yesterday, but inside of me confusion, anxiety, and desperation roiled. Sunday. Church. Mother’s Day. And all I can think of is me. I try not to. I beg God to stop my mind from obsessing over every piece of my life. Good, bad, not yet come to pass, it doesn’t seem to…
Hosanna
Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! The crowds surging around Jesus as he rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday joyfully echoed the words of Psalm 118:25-26. In the ESV translation, this psalm says, Save us we pray, O Lord… Blessed is he who comes in…
Under Threat of Darkness
I feel like a shell – hollow, like an Easter egg. Such utter emptiness is welcome, because otherwise what fills me is pain, torment, and anger. Sometimes, when the depression invades, hollowness is a gift. I have always written from my heart and my heart is crying out right now. Tonight, though, truth and light…
Faithfully Falling Blind
Staring out at the pouring rain Wondering why I ran away I know He’s near, I know He hears But knowledge won’t erase my fears I fear the lonely nights The helpless falling from imagined heights I fear, my God – I cannot see And all the while He calls to me Trust and wait…
The Humility of the Lord
Today, I’m simply writing a word of encouragement, and I’m writing it mainly because I need it. Today marks the first day of my first “real” job since becoming ill. I’m desperately afraid that I’ll say something stupid or my employer will find out what a mess I am. I read some Psalms this morning,…
Noah and the Coronavirus
Times are hard, people. The pain and weariness of enduring a pandemic has been a reality for almost a year now. If you are like me, the statistics of death rates, new variants, and vaccination shortfalls are all a blur in your head. Don’t let this “virus fatigue” drown out reality. Here in the US…
Before the Fire 