*I have started compiling the story of my illness and it’s role in my returning to faith. This is page 1. It was a sticky night in late August, 2009. The streets of the Upper East Side of Manhattan were quiet, but I was not. Terrified and confused, I was crying for no reason, and…
Tag: bipolar
You Who Have Made Me See
Ask anyone who has ever studied the Bible with me – I’m big on context. Bible verses, and really any kind of writing, should never be plucked out of their surrounding text and infused with meaning all their own. Yet I’m writing today because I did just that. I was praying in front of my…
Words and Weakness
“And I write,” I added to the nurse on the phone. So began a surprisingly rapid cascade of phone calls, tests, and appointments. I’ll back up a bit. A few days ago, I told my mom about a problem that’s been frustrating me for quite a while. I spend most of my days either reading…
Circuit Breaker
Growing up, my brother used to call me Circuit Breaker. Since childhood, I’ve done everything either all-in or not at all – and this was before the bipolar disorder showed up. While this lack of moderation contributed to academic success and athletic medals, it also led to quite a bit of trouble. Yes, I have…
Under Threat of Darkness
I feel like a shell – hollow, like an Easter egg. Such utter emptiness is welcome, because otherwise what fills me is pain, torment, and anger. Sometimes, when the depression invades, hollowness is a gift. I have always written from my heart and my heart is crying out right now. Tonight, though, truth and light…
Why I Fear the End of the Pandemic
For much of the decade leading up to 2020, my daily uniform involved some combination of sweats and pajamas. In the last year, though, sheltering in place transformed this from something to conceal into endless memes and jokes. Let me back up. In October 2009, I left a medical residency at Mt. Sinai Hospital in…
Before the Fire 