I saw a meme yesterday about how easily you can hurt yourself when you’re over 40 – you know, like straining your back getting out of bed or hurting your shoulder while doing dishes. I’m 43, and that meme holds a little too much truth. Two months ago, I started working at a thrift store, which means lifting a lot of heavy bags and boxes of people’s discarded treasures. I now spend a lot of evenings with bags of ice on my knees and a heating pad on my back. (Despite this, I’m very happy with my job.) Also, I work part time, so I still have time to lead my Bible study group on Monday nights.

For the last month, my Bible study has been going through the Gospel of John. This week, we’re looking at the end of chapter four through the beginning of chapter five, in which Jesus heals an official’s son and a long-time invalid. These two accounts, juxtaposed with my own pain and disability, have gotten me thinking about Jesus as the great Healer, and whether I truly believe that God can heal us physically here on earth.

I’ve always been leery of Christians who claim that God healed them miraculously from various ailments. As a former medical doctor, I tend to think about illness in a linear, scientific way, believing that all healing must make sense medically. Because of this, I have not sought prayer for my various physical problems, despite a friend urging me to have the elders of our church pray over me. I’m afraid that I avoid this due to a lack of faith – I know what’s wrong with my body medically, and medically there is no cure, so healing is not an option, in my head.

The husband of a woman in my Bible study just finished chemotherapy for advanced colon cancer. Last week, he had surgery to, among other things, clean out the tumor that was left after chemo. I am ashamed to admit that I only ever prayed for things I thought were likely, like getting clean margins when the cancer was removed and him doing well under anesthesia. I didn’t pray for there to be no cancer, but many of my Bible study ladies did. And guess what? They didn’t find any cancer. This joyful news has gotten me thinking about my own heart, though.

The invalid that Jesus healed in John 5:2-15 obeyed Jesus when he commanded him to pick up his bed and walk, but John doesn’t say whether he believed in Jesus as Messiah. The official, whose son is healed from afar by Jesus’ word, on the other hand, responds to Jesus’ healing miracle with belief. He came to Jesus seeking healing for his son, but he got far more than that. His belief in Jesus led to the healing of his very soul. So, my question is, am I the invalid or the official? Jesus said in Revelation that he would give his faithful servants the morning star. How can I believe that, and not believe Jesus can heal chronic pain and arthritis?

Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, I believe! Help my unbelief!

Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed;
save me, and I shall be saved,
for you are my praise.
Jeremiah 17:14