Have you ever been blindsided by self-revelation – good self-revelation? I was just standing on the threshold of the Courtyard Hotel with friends, watching the sunset gild the Indianapolis Convention Center when I had a jaw-dropping moment. I’ll back up. I’m in Indy for The Gospel Coalition’s 2025 Conference with four friends (Yes, I’ve been both a 3^rd and a 5^th wheel this week). I wasn’t planning on coming, but a different friend was registered and had to back out at the last moment and was gracious enough to gift me her ticket.

I’ve spent the last three days driving, absorbing great teaching, and having deep conversations. I’ve also been surrounded by 7,000 men and women wearing “Alive Together” badges, roaming the halls of the convention center carrying totes crammed full of discounted (and free!) books. This is my second TGC Conference, as I went to the women’s one held last June. Normally, I would be exhausted. Normally, I would be eyeing a huge group of Christians suspiciously.

Today, though, gazing at the sunset while debriefing with D. and L., my body thrummed with excited energy. I was carrying a leatherbound journal now half full of a messy scrawl of notes from various speakers and breakout sessions. I was filled with excitement with ideas for the future of my Bible study. I was not guarded or suspicious or shut down. And it hit me. Since last June, I have stopped most of the 14 medications I was on at that point and have started two new ones more appropriate for my condition. It’s been a wild ride that happened in such an unexpectedly short time frame that I haven’t had time to process just what a difference it’s made in my life. I feel like a new person.

Tonight, I realized that I, for the first time in over 15 years, have the energy of a “normal” person. The biggest realization, though, is that I have not been paranoid or suspicious over the last two days. My entire life I have been suspicious of large gatherings of professing Christians, especially if said Christians are singing in a huge auditorium with lights and smoke machines. I believe I have good reason to be wary. What I didn’t realize is how much of that paranoid nature of mine was pathologic, not just good sense. To be free of it is liberating. What’s more, it makes loving my neighbor a lot easier. Instead of focusing on judging others’ hearts, I’m more closely inspecting my own and finding a love for them that can only be born of humility.

Why am I surprised that God can use psychiatric medication to make sanctification easier? All I know is that he has worked marvelous wonders in my life over the last six months. I have been stressing over the fact that the place from which I write has felt empty for months. Last Sunday was the first Easter I haven’t written a word about in years. I’ve been afraid that becoming healthy has somehow depleted the well of words I usually have stirring in the depths of my soul. Maybe God has been growing me through a season of dryness. Maybe he is calling me into something new. All I know is that I just spent three days around people all day and I feel fantastic. All I know is that, empty of words or not, I am full of life. And, oh, hey – in case you didn’t notice, I just wrote something. Praise be to the God of all good things. Amen.